Matt, a 22 year old guy with light brown hair is sitting on a bench alone in a park holding a coffee in one hand and a photo of another guy in another hand. It is autumn and the wind is a slightly mild and gentle. Many people are walking past, not taking notice to him and carrying on with their own lives. Matt continues to stare at the photo, as if in a trance. Lydia, a girl who is 22 also, calls out Matt’s name breaking him out of his trance.
Matt!
Jumps up and down waving her arms. Matt raises his head and then smiles in compliance.
Matt:
Hey
What are you doing here?
Matt:
Just thinking.
About what?
Matt:
About a lot of things
Her voice changes into a concerned/worried tone
How long has it been?
Matt:
One year.
How are you keeping up?
Matt stares at his photo of Chase and has a flashback
Flashback:
Matt opens the door to his house only to find Chase slowly walking down the stairs with a downcast look.
Matt:
Hey.
Chase is surprised by Matt
Chase:
Hey…
Chase looks away as soon as he greets Matt. He then sits on the couch trying to avoid all visual contact with him.
Matt:
What’s for dinner?
Chase:
Umm… Whatever is in the fridge…
Matt:
You didn’t cook?
Chase:
No, not tonight.
Matt:
Well why not?
Chase:
I was upstairs doing something.
Chase’s voice weakens.
Matt:
You know I expect food when I get home from work okay? Or else I would’ve gone out to eat with a few –
Chase:
With John…
Matt:
With who?
Chase:
With John…
Matt:
Why would you s—
Chase:
Matt, he called.
Matt:
And what did he say?
Chase:
Nothing
Gets off the couch and starts to go upstairs but is stopped by Matt’s grab.
Matt:
What the hell did he say?
Chase:
Nothing
Looking away not making any eye contact with Matt.
Matt:
Okay you know what? Fine what ever.
Matt takes a step before Chase says something.
Chase:
Voice quivers
He said you two were together.
Matt:
Bluntly
And?
Chase:
Surprisingly questions
And?
Matt:
And?
Chase:
Voice gets increasing louder
Matt, there is no and! What’s going on?
Matt:
Nothing.
Tries to brush off the subject
Chase:
Matt, please just tell m—
Matt:
Voice changes into a violent tone
I said it was nothing!!!
Chase:
shocked
How can it be nothing Matt? He said you two were together, so then what does that make us?
Matt:
quietly
I don’t know
Chase:
What do you mean you don’t know?
Matt:
Just stop.
Chase:
Voice is pained
Matt what’s going on here?
Slight pause, Chase’s concern increases
Ma—
Matt:
Yells
I said stop!
Chase:
Voice shakes
What?!?! Do you really expect me to –
Matt:
What don’t you get when I say stop? It’s over! Just stop!
Chase:
Wait…What? What’s over, you and John or you and—
Matt:
Between me and John. We had nothing in the first place anyway.
Chase:
Then why did he call and say tha—
Matt:
Don’t take him too seriously. Oh my god why won’t you just stop?
Chase:
Matt were you with h—
Matt:
Yes I was! But it wasn’t anything, just stop okay.
Chase:
What do you mean stop? Why would you—
Matt:
Yelling
Chase just shut up! I’m sick of you, why don’t you just stop? Don’t you think that’s why I cheated on you? Because you know what, you get on my nerves beyond reason. And.. and.. I just don’t know what to do with you anymore!
Chase:
Tearing up, voice shakes even more
Wait Ma—
Matt:
Chase just shut up! You are worthless; I don’t even know why I was with you. Maybe because I felt sorry or maybe because I knew it was going to be over soon between us.
Chase:
slowly shaking his head almost into tears
Matt what are you saying?
Matt:
It’s just over, there’s nothing between us anymore.
Chase:
eyes wide open
Matt… please you don’t mean –
Walks closer to Matt arms wide open Matt slaps him
Matt:
I fucking hate you!
Pause and awkward silence between the two. Chase’s expression is looked was in a slight shock but then his emotion consumes him, immobilizing him. He doesn’t move his head, rather he moves his body toward the door. Before Matt knows what he did, he tries to stick out his hand to Chase however chase isn’t looking at him and interrupts him while looking away.
Chase:
I’m sorry.
Chase turns around slowly and walks out of the house. Matt’s had is still extended toward Chase with his mouth open just about to say something but his voice wouldn’t work.
Matt:
Chase…
Matt leans on the wall.
Damn it!
Matt pounds the wall. Matt walks upstairs into their room looking around for the light switch. Matt sees a note on the bed and reads it.
Meet me on the balcony.
Matt walks toward the balcony right outside the bed room and looks at the bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice, a bouquet or red roses and a velvet box all on a table. Matt picks up the velvet box and opens to see that there was a ring on the inside.
He was going to propose to me tonight?
Matt tries on the ring. Looks at his hand and puts the box back.
It was a perfect fit… God Damn it!
Matt punches the outside of the house. He then walks back into the bedroom and then looks at the various pictures of them together. He then walks downstairs and decides to sit on the couch and turns on the T.V. and flips through channels.
Ugh… how can there be nothing on T.V.?
Matt throws the remote and the channel changes to the news then Matt’s cell phone rings at the same time.
Confused tone
Yeah this is Matt, who is this?
Matt is trying to concentrate on the T.V. at the same time
Wait what?
News Channel:
Just recently a male around the age of 20 was just hit by a drunk driver while walking on the side of the road right off of
Matt:
No, no…
Matt hangs up the phone
End Flashback
Matt? Hello? Anybody there?
Matt:
The last thing I ever said to Chase was that I hated him. He was going to propose to me that night.
I’m so sorry Matt… I’m sure he knew you loved him.
Matt:
Yeah…
Well I have to get to work, I’ll talk to you later. I hope things get better. Bye Matt.
Matt:
Bye
You’ll never know how much I loved you.
- I know it’s really choppy and the formatting is bad, but besides that what should I add besides more stage directions?
- How should I make the situations more angst?
One thing that I think would make this a little more powerful would be to really describe their feelings. Their pain. Use imagery and make the dialogue ultra dramatic.
ReplyDeleteLydia comes off as a little insensitive at the end. Either have her just stay with him (although I kind of get that you want him to be alone in the end) or make her departure more subtle.
You may want to develope Lydia as a character a bit more-- it leaves us unsure of her place/role in the play.
ReplyDeleteyeah, lydia seemed a bit flat and uncaring, maybe adding some depth to her would help.
ReplyDelete1)it didnt feel very choppy to me, but if it feels like it is to you, maybe try to cut some of the situational stuff, like the phone ringing, that was the only choppy feeling thing to me.
nah...i think you can tell that lydia is just a friend and co-worker.
ReplyDelete1. i think that it flows pretty good but i would need to read it a few more times before I could safely say that you need more stage directions. but just reading it once it seems fine to me.
i really like this ur storys and every things you make is good, is that what were suppose to do with the begning??? just a question. add more of a you into it more wild an out there, i agree jus a little flat to it
ReplyDeletei cried when i was reading this......
ReplyDeletei liked everything but there was a lot of drama though. Maybe it should be matt goes after chase but ends up hitting him on accident and he dies..
lol jk thats too dramatic
i love it
your very inspirational :D
need to put quotations for the stage movements u should know that
ReplyDelete